Author Guest Post: Emily White

Loneliness and Writing

About six years ago, when I was intensely lonely, I had to make a serious decision. Was I ready to give up work at a law firm and devote myself to writing? Writing was what I wanted to do. I knew that a first person account of long-term loneliness was necessary, and that I was the person to write it. But if I left my legal practise, my loneliness would only intensify. I’d go from feeling alone every day to actually being alone every day.

I’m not sure what finally pushed me to commit to the written word. There was a pull there, one that was finally stronger than my fear of isolation. And when the writing was going well, it was wonderful. I firmly believe that working on a project (be it writing, gardening, or preparing the perfect meal) can leave you feeling completely connected. It’s not just other people who provide you with a sense of inclusion; an activity can do so as well. There were times when I was working on Lonely that I felt linked in and almost surrounded by others, not the least bit on my own.

But trying to manage a writing career while you’re managing loneliness is a balancing act. It’s not easy to struggle with feelings of isolation, and then commit to days and months alone. There’s a lot to be said for office life—for the steady and easy sociability it can bring, the sound of other people’s voices, the casual coffee dates.

The writing life is different. It’s both the most and the least lonely thing you can do. It’s the most lonely because you really are entirely solo. When I was writing Lonely, I was generally alone for 10 to 12 hours a day. My isolation was often unbroken. But at the same time, many of these days felt oddly full. There were phone calls to lonely people and other loneliness researchers, and there were moments of connecting to the manuscript itself, moments that left me feeling rooted and fine and good.

It was went I sent Lonely off to my New York publishers that aloneness began to feel like loneliness once again. I think it’s this dynamic—of loneliness presenting itself when the writing goes away—that keeps writers going. Writers are people who’ve learned that writing itself can keep feelings of isolation in check. A lot of writers probably need writing to keep these feelings at bay. I certainly fall into this category. I write in order to not feel alone. It’s a magic trick of sorts—the ability to summon a sense of connection out of paper and pen. But when the trick works, when everything falls into place, there are few things better, few things that leave me feeling less on my own.

Emily White is a research lawyer and legal studies instructor and a writer whose work has been published widely in Canada. She teaches within the Law and Society program at Memorial University, and works as a freelance legal researcher. She lives in St. John’s, Newfoundland. You can learn more about Lonely at lonelythebook.com

A review of Lonely: Learning to Live with Solitude can be found on In The Next Room here.

Lonely by Emily White

"Conversations with chronically lonely people reveal the paradox attached to the state. The longer it lasts, the less you’re supposed to mention it. The more closely it attaches to your life, the more you’re supposed to pretend it’s not anything you feel."

Lonely: Learning to Live with Solitude is a memoir in which author Emily White attempts to understand the chronic loneliness which has plagued her almost her entire life. Boldly stating that loneliness deserves the same attention as other mental illnesses such as depression, she intertwines her own personal story with scientific data and accounts offered by other lonely people on their experiences. 

Lonely is a 2011 release I'd been greatly looking forward to, but I was somehow under the impression that the main focus of the book was memoir. Although White's personal account plays a key role in her ability to understand the struggles of loneliness, as well as being the reason she pursued writing this book at all, it is only one part of what Lonely is about. The book itself has a significant amount of scientific information, and as non-fiction takes me significantly longer to read than memoirs or fiction this was certainly not a quick read. An interesting aspect of Lonely is the insight White offers into the idea that loneliness is actually becoming an increasing issue, as well as the possible reasons for that.
Discussing social media and the internet, she writes:

"Perhaps I was being insufficiently modern, but I never felt as though I could cure my loneliness through technology. My newspaper was just a part of my apartment, less comforting than my fridge, less familiar than my toaster, and I object to the idea that I should have somehow reached out in my loneliness and tried to turn it into a friend."

Continuing to delve into the topic, she states: 

"At a time when we’re being told that our needs are being met and that sociability is easy to achieve, we need to recognize a more complex truth. This truth involves us being alone more, confiding less, and getting caught up in the wheel of active socializing. Loneliness today is being egged on and aggravated by culture. It’s probably time we saw this, and stopped portraying the state as something that’s somehow the lonely person’s fault."

These excerpts clearly indicate the clear case that White makes for loneliness, and it is impossible to read Lonely and not understand how little is known about chronic loneliness, and also how little is being done to remedy that. The most powerful portion of Lonely though, is White's personal testament of her experiences and struggles with the disease, as she found herself increasingly shy and antisocial, even as her loneliness became worse. White's biggest strength lies not with her ability to gather and process information, which was clearly necessary for this book, but rather with her willingness to talk about a taboo subject, especially when it comes to sharing her personal experiences. At times however, I found Lonely too be clinical in a way that was less enjoyable for me to read, possibly because I already spend my days in the scientific field and prefer to use literature as an escape rather than an opportunity to learn detailed information about studies and statistics which were occasionally difficult to distinguish and blurred together.

Lonely is an important book because it discusses something which is too often considered a source of shame and silently swept under the rug or dismissed as depression. Unfortunately, the significant portion of Lonely which focuses on scientific studies failed to captivate me in the same way the story of White's personal journey did. I easily suggest this book for readers looking to learn more about loneliness, as a lot of research has gone into the book.  Lonely: Learning to Live with Solitude provides insight into a condition where a lot of information is still needed, luckily this book is a step in the right direction.

Release Date: January 18th, 2011
Pages: 352
Overall: 3/5
Buy the Book
Source:

This review was a part of TLC Book Tours. Click here to read what other tour hosts thought. For the purpose of this review I was provided with a copy of the book which did not require a positive review. The opinions expressed in this post are completely my own. 

Waiting on Wednesday: Lonely

"Waiting On" Wednesday is a weekly event, hosted at Breaking the Spine, that spotlights upcoming releases.

I love a good memoir, and the most interesting ones usually involve a person who has gone through a particular struggle. Some of my favourites are Marya Hornbacher's Wasted and The Glass Castle by Jeannette Walls. This year I've read quite a few I enjoyed including Madness: A Life Bipolar, The Two Kinds of Decay and The Year of Magical Thinking. In 2011 I am looking forward to reading Lonely: Learning to Live with Solitude by Emily White, a book which combines science and memoir about an often felt but rarely discussed issue; what happens when you feel completely disconnected from the world, even when everything in your life seems good.

Despite having a demanding job, good friends, and a supportive family, Emily White spent many of her evenings and weekends alone at home, trying to understand why she felt so completely disconnected from everyone. In this insightful and soul-baring memoir, White recounts her struggle to comprehend and overcome her chronic loneliness, a debilitating condition that she contends deserves the same attention as depression and other mental difficulties. Interweaving her personal story with cutting-edge scientific research—as well as incredibly moving accounts offered by numerous lonely men and women—White provides a deep and thorough portrait of this increasingly common but too often ignored affliction.

Lonely will be published by Harper Perennial on January 18, 2011. You can learn more about the book on Emily White's website. I am actually on a book tour for this book which I am very excited about so I will definitely be reviewing it in the new year and I can't wait to delve in. Also, isn't the cover just simple and perfect?

How do you feel about memoirs? What are you waiting on this Wednesday?